Poetry “You must serve as a captain of sorts

Today we’re living in a very troubled world.

One’s death open the entrance of others birth,

But could these uncountable series of death and birth make any of worth;

Negativity pervades it,

And many in our society are floating like ships without rudders,

Weary souls searching for a lighthouse that will keep them from crashing against the rocky shores.

Peoples are entangled within their own waves, lost even at sea-coast…

So here you must serve as a captain of sorts,

And will be a beacon of light, one in millions

A flying kite in a space at the so high,

You’ll have to be a bona-fide!

@NidhiSuryavansi

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A short piece of my life- love, live, poetry

Many of people say to me why I don’t believe in love,

And if I don’t believe in love so why I write poetries on that,

And how can I write so deep poetry on love, broken up and complete heart things without being in love?

Once someone read my poetry here on my blog and texted me what’s your story I am so curious to know, have you been in love so serious and hard breakup?

I said no not at all, I don’t believe in these things soft neither hard nothing.

I just write, what comes in my mind and what I’ve seen and observe through outside of the world.

He said ok!

After that I again write a poetry on what he had said to me, yes! I’ve been in love and break up but it’s not a truly damn gossip stuff. I saved those more than deep words for my poetries.

I’m a writer and more than that a poet and only poets can understand the sensitivity and softness of our heart and pain.

We don’t say any things out, we save them for words put on paper and use our tears as blood-ink to write,

Until we don’t have that ink or those realistic and hard words we can’t be true poet.

Once a screen-play writer and director said to me life of poets been very difficult since ever, his father was poet and he has seen so much pain, poverty, grief and difficulties in life.

And he was also a poet but now he’s a frustrating, and disappointed writer and artist,

I asked why?

Because he left his true and natural love of poetry for earning money and became a screen-play writer he sold his soul, heart, his love and pain that’s why he is disappointed from his life and his self.

I said but no I’m a poet and very optimistic, positive and a believer of god. I only try to see positive in every things and aspects.

May be I will have to face difficulties in my future due to my love, passion and something so I’ll.

You know why?

Because what I think is that I think very differently

“better to being happy, satisfy, hopeful, poet with less of money than being a rich, arrogant, frustrated, and lost person or writer, or anything with lot of shit money.

Means really how can anyone make their ambition or dream or whatever to earn more and more money the most insane person.

Money can never give you a shit piece of happiness neither love, satisfaction. That can’t give you the most important damn things to live by or you’re giving just the yours whole most precious and valuable life to that bull shit.

For me being a poet is the bliss that none can think or invent like a technology or machine by his conscious mind that’s only ten percent of your all mind instead it’s divinity that flows out of your ninety percent of sub-conscious mind.

Being a poet and writer is a outcome of so much feeling of pain, insanity, feeling of lost, weird and so much to explain in words that I’ve been living in last almost twenty years.

Yes from childhood I was so different than my sibling, then all. I was so shy, silent introvert who only wants to live at home, who doesn’t want to talk neither with her family members. Who doesn’t want to go school or hang up with so many as others did.

I was always thinking before going school in morning after waking-up, I think the all damn shit concept of school, study and this hell world.

I didn’t understand anything what I’m studying and why or I never asked my foolish questions to anyone because those are important for me but foolish for others. Because of my silent attitude often people understand me as a studious girl or very intelligent, sensible mature blah-blah.

Even when I was so dumb, so slow so insane, and being studious was a damn responsibility on a shoulder of little innocent girl. I thought that being studious is kind of fantasy or adventure so I pretend to be but get failed.

Yeah! I’ve been fail many of times and cried out so much because I didn’t know that who I’m what I want, I was always trying to be a topper in my class as other girls because of their fucking attitude and ego. I expect so high from myself so as my parents did from me, and after failing I get disappointed or cried.

I’d lot of baggage of disappointment, sadness, lost ness, pettiness, disgust, tears.

And so much more, love, breakup’s even when I didn’t know the holy shit meaning of love.

But yeah that was the phase, not now today I’m a strong, positive, mysterious, curious, funny, loving girl who wants to know about all universe.

Who wants to do everything.

Who believe in everything.

I’m a damn believer. I’m weird too but difference is now I’m happy with all who I’m and proud to accept myself.

These all due to the faith on god and his grace. I loved him so much and he loved me back, he taught me so much, he took care of all mine. I’ve fought with him many times, asked so many bull shits.

But he never get angry with me, never punished me instead always given me more strength and sense to figure out all the things.

The most damn terrible ting is we don’t dare to accept our true self so how we can accept others h?

We don’t understand ourself our desire, our hearts voice, so how we can understand others?

We don’t have any relationship with our soul, mind, heart so how we can even think for once to a complete relationship with other?

If you can’t live with you so how can any other one can live with you?

Why the hell we see dreams of happy marriages, long lived love or more and more shit for being happy?

If you really want happiness so be you, accept you and just love you.

What I’ve left behind, nothing

To dream that you are looking through the rearview mirror suggests that you are dwelling on the past too much. It may indicate regrets, past hurts or “what ifs”. On the other hand, the dream may be telling you not to forget about the past and what you have left behind.

Yes as I’m studying my dreams so today I dreamt something as watching myself in mirror that means I find this interpretation.

Find so true to me as I’m dwelling between so many things of my past.

Within last three-four days I’ve written my all incomplete and past though difficult stories or share someone to a writer or director.

While writing I’ve touch all those moments again that I’ve lived some day. All those memories keep as that safe in the back of my mind.

To remember all and a regret, hurt everything when you remember.

When I think to complete those dreams but much difficult actually impossible.

Regret to I never said things that I felt for them. There is only one life may be many but don’t know will meet them again, so regret.

But that’s ok!

Not okay is

The message- not to forget about past and what I’ve left behind.

Means that’s not at all a easy one

If I’ll not forget past could I live well. Even I couldn’t this now or when drowned in past so how will I make a shit?

Actually past is not all about these three one, there are so many things or people all over my sub -conscious mind.

But most of right all over my past is mine younger brother’s

Who left me 10 moths ago…

99 percent of my past actually no!

All past owned by him.

With whom you’ve lived your twenty-one years all days, night so many moments.

Happiness, fight everything.

He was my youngest brother two and half year that I always make remind him.

Even I couldn’t dare to enter this past not touch it because if I’ll just touch once,

I will have no control all over my mind and to any where.

The past take over me.

But while watching a brother, sister or fighting.

To watch playing badminton, anywhere I get into that…

We have played lot of badminton together in childhood. Even we had gone stadium to play at 3 or 4 am.

When someone came all of sudden so I get scared or remember he makes me scared knowingly or I get irritated, scold him.

When I give someone food yellow dal and rice by mixing so it comes to me this is the food that he had eaten so much and I’ve gave him…

Seeing his mark sheets and copies his writing for that I had scold him many times to improve writing.

I’d taught him so much, in his high-school, made him prepare for exams and he get slept.

When he used to breakfast, I used to memorise his syllabus to read loudly for the preparing his exams.

Even in so childhood when I was five, six year old make him sleep by singing a lullaby or jingle.

Once at that age we were only in room mom had locked us from outside and went to some neighbors home we were sleeping and a cow came inside to the door I got awake and scared I thought a elephant came but my brother he was also there he didn’t scared in fact he was consoling me or making me calm. Then he was only three and four year old.

As an elder sister of him I always felt as mother.

He always behaved as a care free and naughty child.

Giving his food, teaching him, playing with him, fighting with him, consoling, motivating him.

Everything…. this is a actual past of mine

And I don’t share his things, those memory with anyone I don’t want it’s all only mine will be always inside of my heart.

But I am angry with him how he can do this, if he would near to me so I’ll slapped him or scold him so much. I know it’s rude and ridiculous everyone will think why?

Or I’m insane

But I’m angry to him and will be always. Until he wouldn’t come to me or confess me all.

Dream Diary- decode the message

I’m a curious girl who obsessed with the “I want to know everything” as now studying or analysing my dreams.

Dreams have been always a mysterious subject for everyone so for me too…

Things seems as impossible or suspicious until you did not understand them.

Everything that are hated or loved firstly get understood.

There is a kind of joy and happiness to understanding all.”

I have to decode or unlock all the mysteries of this universe.

Now I’m studying and making a connection with my sub-conscious mind rather it can help me by telling me something that I couldn’t know through my conscious mind.

As I always been confused, chaotic, indecisive and dwelling between so many things.

“Lost on the each and every path, between the wondering voice of mind and heart.

I started to remember my dreams and write them in diary or finding their meaning or relate with them my present time situation of waking life.

And I get surprised it’s so effective what we could not find through any logic or knowledge, your sub conscious mind tells you so clearly and smoothly.

But dreams are a code language that we have to decode.

Our sub-conscious mind is the door between conscious or super-conscious mind.

Sub conscious mind works through getting all impulses, information or memory that are used or stored by our conscious mind and sometime a sense from super-conscious who all are on that stage, and tell us a message in dream that about to happen in future.

Means sub conscious mind also can predict things before happening in waking life or this world.

I have experienced this just within one two week.

Remembering dreams seems very difficult firstly or the important stage of study.

But not though difficult, just wake up in morning without getting hurry, lay for few time calmly or without getting involve in phone or any conversation try to remember dream.

Firstly you’ll get only one two random things but don’t irritate just caught them and store in back of mind and slowly slowly thing or go behind those things, while brushing, bathing and all think.

Sit silently few minutes without troubling with mind or any thought.

And you’ll get to start receiving your coded message of dream.

Then write it all on notebook while writing you’ll remember more. Write all small and specific things, your feeling, timing, color, surrounding and all.

Just continue this practice for daily.

This is a phase of knowledge and as much as knowledge you’ll have life will be easy to live.

These dreams will help you lot with dealing the difficult situation.

These dreams tell you that you couldn’t know in these years of your life. That you never realised. And those all things are stopping your progress or path.

Dreams will reveal your hidden fear, anxiety, insecurity, your purpose, truth of life. Everything.

Just be aware and jump into the sea of knowledge.

You’ll love your life.

Story has been always two sided

We always in hurry to judge just after knowing one sided story, I remembered when this incident happened so much debate in news channels where most of us justify this as the reaction of anger and humiliation of army by stone-pelters in kashmir.

#MeToo

But after so long just today read this next sided complete story.

And now what we judge will be complete justifiable but problem is after hearing both sided or knowing complete truth we can not judge anyone its been though difficult.

And also people of modern time couldn’t deal with that usually.

Here get the point that is why often peoples judge and take it easy to make assumptions and presumptions just after knowing few random things.

But while reading the story i was sad that i judge too and feel sorry for that boy. What army did without knowing all story was ok on their place they wanted to teach the lesson to misleading boys.

But we know very well that did not stop the stone-pelting and neither make stop misleading. And we know this is never the way of doing work by Indians.

We should accept ‘the thing went wrong in many ways it makes harm the image of Indian army, Indians, and the most important so much loss of that Indian boy.

Indian army is well organised and responsible army of every time now after knowing all truth and loss of that boy Indian government and Indian army should take responsibility and should pay a compensation money to him for his family and for his sick mother.

“At least we Indians known for our humanity we can not loose that”.

And Thanks to outlook media they present the whole story and show us a mirror.

Especially when many of news channels and online media are critisizing to being fake.

I am also thinking while writing this shouldn’t I be judge by others as taking a side but that I’m not doing. I felt something and being a writer I can only do anything so ‘write.

https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/jk-armys-human-shield-branded-stone-pelter-farooq-ahmed-was-an-artisan-a-year-ag/310751

Source: outlook media

@NidhiSuryavanshi

Poetry “I write so as my life

I don’t write poetry,

what it is?

I write my fascinating feelings, draw my restless mind on paper with the ink of pen,

I write,

My unfolded truth that always meant to be hide,

I write,

So as my life,

I write, by all my choice,

I write,

My deep desire and incomplete dreams, that I’ve been seen from centuries…

I write my vulnerability and my insanity.

I Write the heights of notoriety to the depths of depravity.

I write neither supposedly nor intentionally,

I write as pre-destined,

I write due to the grace of godly…

I write, what people can’t deal with usually.

I write you, me, this world, and all universe everything eventually.

I write to fly,

To amuse, and to being alright,

And I only write.

—Nidhi Suryavanshi

Twitter @NidhiSuryavansi

Poetry- ‘Wake-up’

I know you’re tired but come, this is the only way,

You’ll have to wake-up, from deep sleep

Otherwise the dream’s demon’ll let u slay.

To see the truth, embrace the eternity,

To reach supreriorty from insanity,

You’ll have to hit yourself so hard,

And find-out the key,

Open the safe,

Only then you could take all the treasure,

So just be aware…

Nidhi Suryavanshi

@NidhiSuryavansi

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