Many of people say to me why I don’t believe in love,
And if I don’t believe in love so why I write poetries on that,
And how can I write so deep poetry on love, broken up and complete heart things without being in love?
Once someone read my poetry here on my blog and texted me what’s your story I am so curious to know, have you been in love so serious and hard breakup?
I said no not at all, I don’t believe in these things soft neither hard nothing.
I just write, what comes in my mind and what I’ve seen and observe through outside of the world.
He said ok!
After that I again write a poetry on what he had said to me, yes! I’ve been in love and break up but it’s not a truly damn gossip stuff. I saved those more than deep words for my poetries.
I’m a writer and more than that a poet and only poets can understand the sensitivity and softness of our heart and pain.
We don’t say any things out, we save them for words put on paper and use our tears as blood-ink to write,
Until we don’t have that ink or those realistic and hard words we can’t be true poet.
Once a screen-play writer and director said to me life of poets been very difficult since ever, his father was poet and he has seen so much pain, poverty, grief and difficulties in life.
And he was also a poet but now he’s a frustrating, and disappointed writer and artist,
I asked why?
Because he left his true and natural love of poetry for earning money and became a screen-play writer he sold his soul, heart, his love and pain that’s why he is disappointed from his life and his self.
I said but no I’m a poet and very optimistic, positive and a believer of god. I only try to see positive in every things and aspects.
May be I will have to face difficulties in my future due to my love, passion and something so I’ll.
You know why?
Because what I think is that I think very differently
“better to being happy, satisfy, hopeful, poet with less of money than being a rich, arrogant, frustrated, and lost person or writer, or anything with lot of shit money.
Means really how can anyone make their ambition or dream or whatever to earn more and more money the most insane person.
Money can never give you a shit piece of happiness neither love, satisfaction. That can’t give you the most important damn things to live by or you’re giving just the yours whole most precious and valuable life to that bull shit.
For me being a poet is the bliss that none can think or invent like a technology or machine by his conscious mind that’s only ten percent of your all mind instead it’s divinity that flows out of your ninety percent of sub-conscious mind.
Being a poet and writer is a outcome of so much feeling of pain, insanity, feeling of lost, weird and so much to explain in words that I’ve been living in last almost twenty years.
Yes from childhood I was so different than my sibling, then all. I was so shy, silent introvert who only wants to live at home, who doesn’t want to talk neither with her family members. Who doesn’t want to go school or hang up with so many as others did.
I was always thinking before going school in morning after waking-up, I think the all damn shit concept of school, study and this hell world.
I didn’t understand anything what I’m studying and why or I never asked my foolish questions to anyone because those are important for me but foolish for others. Because of my silent attitude often people understand me as a studious girl or very intelligent, sensible mature blah-blah.
Even when I was so dumb, so slow so insane, and being studious was a damn responsibility on a shoulder of little innocent girl. I thought that being studious is kind of fantasy or adventure so I pretend to be but get failed.
Yeah! I’ve been fail many of times and cried out so much because I didn’t know that who I’m what I want, I was always trying to be a topper in my class as other girls because of their fucking attitude and ego. I expect so high from myself so as my parents did from me, and after failing I get disappointed or cried.
I’d lot of baggage of disappointment, sadness, lost ness, pettiness, disgust, tears.
And so much more, love, breakup’s even when I didn’t know the holy shit meaning of love.
But yeah that was the phase, not now today I’m a strong, positive, mysterious, curious, funny, loving girl who wants to know about all universe.
Who wants to do everything.
Who believe in everything.
I’m a damn believer. I’m weird too but difference is now I’m happy with all who I’m and proud to accept myself.
These all due to the faith on god and his grace. I loved him so much and he loved me back, he taught me so much, he took care of all mine. I’ve fought with him many times, asked so many bull shits.
But he never get angry with me, never punished me instead always given me more strength and sense to figure out all the things.
The most damn terrible ting is we don’t dare to accept our true self so how we can accept others h?
We don’t understand ourself our desire, our hearts voice, so how we can understand others?
We don’t have any relationship with our soul, mind, heart so how we can even think for once to a complete relationship with other?
If you can’t live with you so how can any other one can live with you?
Why the hell we see dreams of happy marriages, long lived love or more and more shit for being happy?
If you really want happiness so be you, accept you and just love you.