What I’ve left behind, nothing

To dream that you are looking through the rearview mirror suggests that you are dwelling on the past too much. It may indicate regrets, past hurts or “what ifs”. On the other hand, the dream may be telling you not to forget about the past and what you have left behind.

Yes as I’m studying my dreams so today I dreamt something as watching myself in mirror that means I find this interpretation.

Find so true to me as I’m dwelling between so many things of my past.

Within last three-four days I’ve written my all incomplete and past though difficult stories or share someone to a writer or director.

While writing I’ve touch all those moments again that I’ve lived some day. All those memories keep as that safe in the back of my mind.

To remember all and a regret, hurt everything when you remember.

When I think to complete those dreams but much difficult actually impossible.

Regret to I never said things that I felt for them. There is only one life may be many but don’t know will meet them again, so regret.

But that’s ok!

Not okay is

The message- not to forget about past and what I’ve left behind.

Means that’s not at all a easy one

If I’ll not forget past could I live well. Even I couldn’t this now or when drowned in past so how will I make a shit?

Actually past is not all about these three one, there are so many things or people all over my sub -conscious mind.

But most of right all over my past is mine younger brother’s

Who left me 10 moths ago…

99 percent of my past actually no!

All past owned by him.

With whom you’ve lived your twenty-one years all days, night so many moments.

Happiness, fight everything.

He was my youngest brother two and half year that I always make remind him.

Even I couldn’t dare to enter this past not touch it because if I’ll just touch once,

I will have no control all over my mind and to any where.

The past take over me.

But while watching a brother, sister or fighting.

To watch playing badminton, anywhere I get into that…

We have played lot of badminton together in childhood. Even we had gone stadium to play at 3 or 4 am.

When someone came all of sudden so I get scared or remember he makes me scared knowingly or I get irritated, scold him.

When I give someone food yellow dal and rice by mixing so it comes to me this is the food that he had eaten so much and I’ve gave him…

Seeing his mark sheets and copies his writing for that I had scold him many times to improve writing.

I’d taught him so much, in his high-school, made him prepare for exams and he get slept.

When he used to breakfast, I used to memorise his syllabus to read loudly for the preparing his exams.

Even in so childhood when I was five, six year old make him sleep by singing a lullaby or jingle.

Once at that age we were only in room mom had locked us from outside and went to some neighbors home we were sleeping and a cow came inside to the door I got awake and scared I thought a elephant came but my brother he was also there he didn’t scared in fact he was consoling me or making me calm. Then he was only three and four year old.

As an elder sister of him I always felt as mother.

He always behaved as a care free and naughty child.

Giving his food, teaching him, playing with him, fighting with him, consoling, motivating him.

Everything…. this is a actual past of mine

And I don’t share his things, those memory with anyone I don’t want it’s all only mine will be always inside of my heart.

But I am angry with him how he can do this, if he would near to me so I’ll slapped him or scold him so much. I know it’s rude and ridiculous everyone will think why?

Or I’m insane

But I’m angry to him and will be always. Until he wouldn’t come to me or confess me all.

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Love is only one

Love is not related to body at all, it straight goes into soul, It’s unexplainable, and infinite as dark covers whole.

There is no controlling on love, it is that eternal flame can’t ignite nor be quenched at will.”

Love is only one, it can never be twice and thrice, Love is formless, invisible, and transcendent. Love has different shades and layers that opened by itself.

Nidhi Suryavanshi

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